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._________________________________________________2._________________________________________________3._________________________________________________4._________________________________________________5._________________________________________________Personal or Psychological Factors:1._________________________________________________2._________________________________________________3._________________________________________________4._________________________________________________5._________________________________________________62For the PartnerPositive Factors Affecting Sexual ExperiencesEnvironmental Factors:1._________________________________________________2._________________________________________________3._________________________________________________4._________________________________________________5._________________________________________________Personal or Psychological Factors:1._________________________________________________2._________________________________________________3._________________________________________________4._________________________________________________5._________________________________________________63This page intentionally left blankChapter 7Problems With Ejaculation in Menand With Orgasm in Men and WomenGoals■To learn about problems with ejaculation in men■To learn about problems with orgasm in men and womenUseful Information About Ejaculation in MenAlmost every man has had a time when he ejaculated sooner than he wanted to.Some men have had the experience of not being able to ejaculate at all.Some menhave had times of being able to do so only after very long periods of stimulation.It will help to know some basic things about the process of ejaculation.Theprocess is really very hard for men to control.Many factors can affect the timing with which a man ejaculates during sex.These include age, frequency of sex, anddegree of arousal.Age and Frequency of SexIn general, the younger a man is, the more quickly he will ejaculate.This pattern likely has to do with many factors.These are good physical health, the newnessof sex, and fewer chances for sex when a man does not have a steady partner.The link between how often a man has sex and his control of ejaculating is opento debate.Research about this has not given clear results.It seems likely, how-ever, that the more often a man ejaculates, the longer he may “last” (keep anerection) during sex.For instance, a man who has had sex twice in the samenight or has masturbated to orgasm before having sex with his partner will likelyhave more control during the second time.A man who has not had sex for aweek or more may not have as much control as one who has had sex three timesa week.65Degree of Sexual ArousalThe more intense his arousal is, the more quickly a man will ejaculate.The factors just discussed (age and frequency of sex) may surely have an effect on the speedof a man’s ejaculation.However, there is no sure way to guarantee control ofejaculation for a man.Like most human behaviors, the pattern of ejaculating willdiffer from one man to another.Every man is different from all other men inhis physical makeup.This difference will cause one man to ejaculate sooner thananother.This is true in spite of other factors being the same.Often men and their partners do not understand this fact.When a man ejac-ulates “too soon,” it is common for either the man or his partner to think thatsomething is wrong.The same is true when the man takes “too long” to ejaculate.Often the result is anger, blame, and anxiety.Many people have unrealistic expec-tations about how long a man should be able to last.These ideas often come from“locker-room bragging,” folklore, and porno movies.Research has been done onthe time a man takes to ejaculate after penetration.The results show that theaverage time is between 2 and 8 min for most men.There are methods that mayhelp some men gain better control of ejaculation.These are outlined in Chap-ter 11 but are not the most important factors.The best way to deal with concernsabout ejaculation is for men and their partners to learn and share the facts.In this way, both partners can have realistic expectations.Many drugs used to treat mental problems can affect the speed of ejaculation.Forinstance, some drugs used to treat depression can slow down ejaculation.Suchdrugs are for the treatment of other problems, not for slowing down ejaculation.The effect of slowing down ejaculation is a side effect.Because it is a side effect, its use for this purpose cannot be predicted.Ointments that deaden the sensationsin the penis have been used to treat men with ejaculation problems.However, thebenefits are open to debate.The ointment may decrease pleasure rather than givethe man more control.You should ask your doctor for more information.General Information About Orgasms in Men and WomenThe orgasm for both men and women is an emotional experience as well asa physiological experience.Subjective descriptions of orgasm are the same formen and women and usually include words describing “a building of tension orsensations,” “extreme excitement and pleasure,” “feelings of warmth, calmness,66and relief once it is over,” and many similar phrases.The physiological experience involves muscle contractions and heightened sensitivity in the genital area
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