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.Which we don t.Didn t.Nelson looks out across Joseph Street at the neighbor s second-story windows, hoping to see the woman of the house undressed.There are three windows, the middle one holding a plasticpumpkin with a light bulb in it, the two flanking it dim-lit, the oneon the right probably a hall landing but the others giving on thebedroom, which he guesses is a child s bedroom.That semi-detached house for years was occupied by an elderly couple wholived toward the back of it, in the kitchen and TV den, but thisyoung couple with their two little children have different livingarrangements and once in a while you see the wife moving aroundin her bathrobe or underwear, black bikini pants and two beige Rabbit Remembered 93cups as snug as skin, the kind of bra advertised in the BrewerStandard illustrated by models, names like Secret Shaper, SeamlessCharmer, Lace n Smooth, Nearly Nude.Pru used to wear bikiniunderpants but as her bottom broadened she went in for old-ladywhite cotton panties with enough fabric for a truck-driver s T-shirt.You can fuck me, though.He needs a woman.Doing a joband coming back to his mother and stepfather and TV comediesmade for twentysomethings in New York City isn t a life.He sleepsbadly: not enough skin left to close his eyes.But at his age as oftoday forty-three he would feel silly in single bars or the partycircuit, if he could find it.The action that used to exist at the Laid-Back up at Ninth and Weiser was ages ago other lifestyles, otherdrugs in fashion.Cold War worries, Japan worries.With thecentury ending all this is sinking into the history books.And he safraid getting back into circulation might get him back into coke,or Ecstasy if that s the thing, or the ever-cheaper heroin; it s soeasy to slip back when you don t feel you have much to lose.Talking to the substance abusers at Fresh Start, he can t muchargue when they argue for it.Happiness is feeling happy.Maybe itshortens your life but when you re dead what s the diff? Living tothe next hit, the next scrounged blow-out, gives their lives a point.Being clean exposes you to life s having no point.Things are pretty cool here Dad.10th grade is organised notmuch differnt than the 9th except that you are a sophmoreand get more respect then lowley freshmen.There are a lot ofAmerican African students at North High but you can getalong if you mind your own busness and don t make slursand the courses are pretty easy.First quarter I got four As anda B in biology but the biology teacher Mr.Pedersen says heknows I can do even better.Judy is driving mom crazy out most nights and some morn-ings her bed not even slept in but she is thinking of signing upfor training to become a flight attendent for USAirways, therehub is in Pittsburg.Mom is working longer hours for thislawyer Mr Gekoppolos (spelling close) downtown on BuchtelAve but says to tell you we still need your check and its late. Rabbit Remembered 94Thats pretty much it for now Dad I want to play one game ofTOMB RAIDERS and then study hard for a biology quizz.TTFN (ta ta for now) luv u :-) ROY.Nelson s eyes sting, reading this in the tiny print the Windows 98gives you.Even the print and tiny icons are made for very youngeyes.The boy is smart, if the grown-ups over him don t fuck uphis head.And Judy, maybe she knows what she s doing.She hasevidently no fear of flying, though doesn t like the idea of hisdaughter in the sky all the time.Dad used to be nervous aboutflying too.From: Dad [nelsang.harrison@qwikbrew.com]Sent: Sunday, October 24, 1999 9:31 PMTo: royson@buckeyemedia.comSubject: paternal affectionRoy Great grades, congratulations.Keep it up.Great jokes,though don t they ever have any clean ones? Sex can be funnybut it s also damn serious, about the most serious thing wedo.It s good Judy is meeting lots of people but tell your sisternot to cheapen herself.Other people tend to take us at thevaluation we put on ourselves and a woman is always morevulnerable to a bad opinion.I m glad she is thinking of avocation even if it s not the one I would have chosen for her.Our family has been pretty earthbound up to now.Tell yourmother I will get the check off but Ronnie thinks I should becontributing more to the household expenses since he isretired and on his pension plan and Social Security, mean-while the cost of everything including real estate taxes goes up.The big news here, in my mind at least, is that you have anaunt none of us knew about a girl your grandfather had byanother woman when I was a tiny child.Her name isAnnabelle Byer.Nobody knew about her until she showed upsome weeks ago and told her story to your grandmother.Itook her out to lunch last month and we got along very well.We talked as if we had known each other all our lives.She is anurse just like I work in mental health how s that for acoincidence? Grandma is going to have her here for Thanks- Rabbit Remembered 95giving and maybe you can meet her when your mother bringsyou east for Christmas.I can hardly wait to see you all.August in the Poconos was nice but it was too long ago.Everybody s health here is good.The drought this summerhas been washed away by a lot of rain this fall but it s too latefor the farmers.The only thing close to a joke that I ve heardis from one of the black clients at the Center, who has a lot of Yo momma s so fat jokes.The only ones I can rememberare: She can sell shade, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin, andwhen she goes to the movies she sits next to everybody.Wehave a very fat lady at the Center and he never tells these jokesaround her.I am very proud of you, Roy, and love you very much.Dad.P.S.: Notice how when I use a contraction, I put in an apos-trophe.Haven t they taught you that yet at school? Also, there is a location and their is a possessive pronoun.He pushes the SEND key without rereading it.He sounds like thekind of prissy father he never had but didn t especially want,either.His father used to say, Whenever anybody tells me what todo, my instinct is to do the exact opposite.But order andorganization must be kept in the world.Ties of affection must beexpressed, or nothing holds.Nelson shuts down the computer,gingerly.Sometimes the machine for no reason freezes, with arebuking message: This program has performed an illegaloperation and will be shut down.The only glow from across thestreet now is the electric pumpkin grin.The time he did see thewoman across the street in her underwear, her stomach lookedstark white, and wonderfully long, dented by its belly button, deeplike the doctors do them now. Aunt Mim? It s Nelson.Your nephew. I know you re my nephew, doll how many others you think Igot? Sweetie, what s up? How s life in the old country? Rabbit Remembered 96Her voice is dry and crackled, parched by cigarettes like the desertfrom the sun, but nice, with family warmth rushing into its oldveins at what she takes to be an emergency.Otherwise, why wouldhe be calling? She is six years younger than Dad so she would besixty now, not old for some professions but in hers ancient, longout of it, even with face-lifts and ass-tucks and the marvels ofmodern dentistry.Nelson wonders when she turned her last trick.You get the occasional sex-worker at the Center and some of themkeep on with a few old customers almost like a marriage
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