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."Try 'I'm sorry, I was wrong, I'm walking around every day wearing a maskI have to wear to do what I have to do but inside I am dying of loneliness,please help me find a solution.' There's something to say.And it's a feelinghe can understand very well.You made him feel the same for decades on end."Page 287 ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html"Eddas.I'm sorry.I was wrong.And yes, it's true.I walk around thecastle with this.Mask.Like the chatto-face you told me about.Control,rigid control.Like a mask, I wear it because I have to.But inside.I hurt,Eddas.I'm lonely.Help me.Please."Swift-wing looked to me silently, and I realized it was finally my turn tospeak."Well, Arella.I can try to help you, but you'll have to do somethingquite difficult, for you.""What is it?""Sit there, and don't leave," I replied, and rose to my feet.Swift-wing fluttered off my shoulder to sit on the back of my chair."Lovely, lovely, thank you.Feel free to take a few whacks more, she knows shedeserves it.""One was enough.It's been a hundred and seventeen years, little friend, Ireally have gotten over her.""Oooh, good one, nice."I sighed - that didn't quite come out the way I'd wanted."No.What Imeant was that for me, it is long since over, and I've forgiven her ages ago.There's an old Hyperborean saying.'It takes two to dance the jappa.' I mademistakes, and she made mistakes.For me, it's over.I forgave her mistakeslong ago, and she remains a dear friend.For her, it was never over, becauseit was never really about me to begin with.""Very kind," Swift-wing replied, nodding."It's too bad she doesn'tdeserve it.You're right, it was never about you.It was always about Mariah.I know her mind.For her it was always about her loneliness and concupiscence.Yes, she liked you as a friend.But that is all.She never loved you, Eddas.She loved that body - the mask Yorindar made you wear to serve his purposes.And every time she got a peek at the man behind the mask, it made her skincreep.Each time, she tried to convince both you and herself that you werereally a woman named Raven, not an ancient liche named Eddas Ayar, a creaturefrom beyond the grave.And when that didn't work, when she finally realizedshe could neither convince you nor herself, she started pushing you away.Itwas worse after the mana-storm changed you.You looked the same to me, all youmammals still look very much alike to me.But to her, that body becameperfect, in her eyes.Idealized beauty, impossible beauty.Surreal beauty.To the point of being eerie.All as one would expect from the Raven ofYorindar.But it was a mask of beauty a hundred times more perfect than shecould ever attain.And behind the mask, you were still a man.Still a man, andstill a liche, a long-dead sorcerer from a dead civilization.So she pushedyou away.She still thinks of you as a friend, yes.But even now, she isthinking of her friend, Raven, not the man, Eddas Ayar.And now she hears mesay it, she knows it's true, and she is both afraid of what you are, andashamed at her betrayal.Yes, you're very kind to her, Eddas Ayar.But shePage 288 ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.htmldoesn't deserve it, and she knows it."I turned and walked off the parapet into my room, truly glad I did nothave a familiar.Joy stood near the stairs, leaning against the wall.As she saw me, shestood, crossing her arms."He couldn't take it anymore, I gather?""Well, Joy, he is almost a hundred and sixty," I replied, and sighed."Youtold me her problem a century ago, the night Cordo attacked me here in mytower, and he's just said the same thing.She wanted Raven, not Eddas Ayar.It's not surprising he would eventually get tired of it.He has had to listento her thoughts every day and night of his life, after all, and he's hardlythe insecure, ignorant little bird you and I knew over a hundred and fifty-sixyears ago.I suppose it would be worse if he was a cat, as a familiar theyreach this point mentally quite a bit sooner, usually after only thirty years.I should tell you the story sometime of Mage Brachos and his cockatricefamiliar.Oh, that ended poorly, to say the least."Joy nodded."Well, once I had the gist of it, I used that ring you gaveme, Old Man, and popped over to Iolo Mountain to see your daughters.Lyotasays Melia's the only unattached adult right now.She's been busy working withthe dryads and centaurs, recording their history, and just never allowedherself time to develop a relationship.Lyota said she'd ask Melia if shemight be willing to meet with Arella, and she said she'd explain Arella wasdesperately lonely, and a sapphite.Likely little will come of it, but." Joysaid, and held up her hands helplessly."Well, Arella's a hundred and eighty-seven and Court Wizardess of Larinia,Melia's a hundred and eleven and master-rank of her circle.At least thatputs her as something near a peer to Arella.Maybe." I said, and sighedagain."If nothing else, at least she'll be someone to talk to," I finished,and Joy nodded.Arella wore a mask, certainly.The mask of the aloof Court Wizardess
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