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. Whoa, Rick muttered. I take it I don t want to meet thisguy. Luke wasn t my only mistake, Tony said.Then, covering forMac, like always, he added, Just my most recent. Because Mac wasa disaster, but not a mistake.Sabrina s expression suggested she wasn t buying it, justletting him get away with it.He needed a distraction. So do either of you know where I can get a cheap bed forBen? Because I was thinking about bringing his own bed fromSandy s place.But then I thought about roaches. He gave anexaggerated shudder. But I hate to shop IKEA.It s such acliché. The resulting conversation took time, drew in his otherfriends as they came to collect the kitchen chairs, and led thesubject well into safe territory.It took most of the afternoon to move his stuff and set it backup.At least his frenzy of cleaning had put his own apartment BREAKING COVER 129in good enough shape that only a little touch-up was needed toguarantee his security deposit back.Or it would be once he gotto the end of the lease.He took a last look around the place andsighed.He was attached to that kitchen counter, and the shower,and there was a place on the wall by the front door that he wassurprised didn t show the indented print of his hands.This hadbeen a world, small and confining, but so sweet.He closed the door firmly behind him and dropped the keysin his pocket.Home was one floor down now.1 1 1Mac got off the elevator at the fourth floor quietly, out ofrespect for the early morning hour.He wasn t sure what he wasdoing.The door opened to his key, just like always.The qualityof silence warned him, even before he reached for the switch,that Tony wasn t home.He still blinked when the light came on.The apartment was deserted.The marks on the carpet spoketo him of couch and table, chair, bookcase, bookcase, bookcase.The kitchen was cleaner than he had ever seen it, the cabinetsopen and empty.The curtains were pulled across the windows.Tony was gone.For a long time, he stood there.Tony had said he needed tomove, would need more space once he had a boy to raise.Machad just not pictured it happening this fast.This place had alwaysbeen here for him, with that man in it.Even these past few days,as he threw himself headlong into his work, he had kept thatimage like a talisman in the back of his mind.It was here forhim, if he dared to grasp it.Except it wasn t anymore.And Tonyhadn t even called to let him know.Maybe he doesn t want you to find him.Except that was paranoid.Tony knew Mac could find anyonehe was looking for.Tony had mentioned there were bigger unitsin the same building, even.Mac pulled the door shut and madehis way back down to the mailboxes in the lobby.Sure enough,the old box was now unmarked, but one row down and two over,at number 305, was the name Hart, A. 130 Kaje HarperMac ran a finger over the name.He could let himself back inthe lobby door, go up to the new place, knock on the door.Tonywould open up for him.Probably.And then what? Nothing hadreally changed since that night in his apartment, had it? Why areyou here, you fool? Was he really offering Tony anything differentthan before, or just wishing he could? He had driven here onautopilot, sleep-deprived and aching, not thinking beyond seeingTony again.Now he was here, this seemed like a really bad idea.He pulled those two keys out of his pocket and turned themaround in his hand, bending the rubber automobile fob backand forth.The mail slot was a little narrow.Mac had to wigglethe ring around to fit first one and then the other key throughthe new mailbox.For a moment they got hung up at the fob.Then it slipped through and they fell with a muted clink intothe box.Mac had a moment s hesitation.Maybe he should add anote, explain.What s to explain? He headed back out into the earlymorning darkness.He sat in his car for a couple of hours, dozing and startlingawake over and over, until the sun was up and it was a reasonabletime to knock on Brenda s door.She complained that Anna hadn tyet had time for breakfast, but Mac overrode her, promising totake the child out and feed her. Something full of fat and sugar, no doubt, Brendagrumbled, but she gave the girl a pat on the shoulder and toldher to be good for her father.Mac led a bubbly Anna to his car, got the booster seat out ofthe trunk, and strapped her in.His car was so old it didn t have apassenger airbag.Mac considered that a bonus feature, because itmeant Anna could safely sit beside him.He took her request forbreakfast, which was IHOP, and headed out.Anna was telling him about the kitten her friend Cindy hadjust bought.The kitten s name was either Whiskey or Whiskers;Anna appeared unsure which.Mac assumed the latter.He hadmet Cindy s parents, and they were a bland couple who met evenBrenda s grudging approval.Not the type to name a cat after thedemon rum. BREAKING COVER 131Anna was very taken by the kitten.Apparently it was totallycute, asleep or awake. If you re going to ask for a kitten, don tbother, Mac warned her. Aunt Brenda would not go for that. I know, Anna said sadly. I wasn t asking.It would just benice. The waitress seated them at a booth, with a booster seat andchild menu for Anna.She looked at the pictures in the menucarefully, making her selection. You love Aunt Brenda, don t you? Mac asked her, onceorders for strawberry pancakes had been placed. Oh, yes, Anna said. She s my aunt and she loves me too.But I wish she wouldn t be so sad. Is she sad? Mostly, Anna said, coloring industriously with her crayons. You re mostly happy, and Tony s happy, and Cindy s mom singsa lot when she cooks.But Aunt Brenda is mostly sad.I try tomake her happier, but it doesn t work so well now that I m older. What doesn t, Anna? Anything. Anna looked up and wrinkled her nose. Sheworries about me more now.I m supposed to be becoming alady, but I don t think I know how. Uh-huh, Mac encouraged.Anna contemplated her drawing, head tilted to one side, andthen picked up the green crayon. Ladies don t run and climbthings, and they re polite and say please and thank you and stuff,and they don t yell or swing on stuff.But I keep forgetting. Well, being polite is a good thing, Mac said cautiously, Andyou should be learning to say please and thank you.But I don tthink you re old enough to have to give up running and climbing.In fact, some ladies are just as good at running and climbing assome boys are. Aunt Brenda says those aren t real ladies, Anna pointed outdoubtfully. I m starting kinnergarden soon. 132 Kaje Harper So you are, Mac agreed.Where had the time gone? I ll tell youwhat.When you go to kindergarten, you can ask your teacherhow much running and climbing is okay at school, and thenyou ll know. That would work, Anna said happily. You re smart,Daddy. Mac smiled a little sheepishly.Flattered by a five-year-old and likingit.He didn t like this feeling of being in the middle again, tryingto bend Brenda s rigid rules to fit the rest of the world Anna livedin.Anna was looking at him sympathetically. You re sad a lot too today, Daddy.Is it because we can t bewith Ben and Tony today, even though it s a Sunday? I guess so, Mac admitted
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